Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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