I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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