OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
