She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
