her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
