Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
