he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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