I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
