there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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