What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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