Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
