I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
