The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
