If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
