You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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