Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Your dad touched me again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
