when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
