He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
