well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
