meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
