K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
