Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone

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(802): View more from Vermont

i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin

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(757): View more from Virginia

this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?

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(512): View more from Texas

He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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(714): View more from California

I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!

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