I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
