I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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