Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
