Whod you bang
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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