Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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