the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
