It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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