My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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