You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
