my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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