Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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