I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Someone shattered a urinal.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
