a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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