i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
