someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
