watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
