remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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