First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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