I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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