I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
