why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
