If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
