I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
