I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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