So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
