this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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