How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
