Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
