dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
