Duck Duck Cougar?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
